i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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