you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
