who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
