When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
