I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
