"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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