i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
