mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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