drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
