so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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