he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His hands were made for my vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
