sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
