It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
