i just google imaged poop.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
