I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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