just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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