He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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