Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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