A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
