You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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