Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize