I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
