You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
