saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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