So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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