Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
