tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
