Barsexuality is the new black.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
