i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
