Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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