this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
