I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my sisters under your porch take her home
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
