have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
