College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
accomplished twins. life is a go
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
