He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
