I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
