I heard we made out
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
