I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
