you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
