you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
