The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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