apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
