It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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