that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
pray to the hookup gods
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
