I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this just has baby written all over it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
