I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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