haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
