Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
