from now on my penis is your penis
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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