i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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