Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
