If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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