dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize