Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
