It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
