That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
