so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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