I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
