i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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