I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize