Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
