The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
