Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
