I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
