I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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