My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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