bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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