I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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