so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
