There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
