i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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