I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
