I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
